The thing about going out of your way to look ‘cool’ is that
it usually doesn’t work. Truly cool people don’t need to work at it.
They walk, talk, dress and think ‘cool’ naturally. You know the type,
always up for a funny one liner at the right moment in a conversation, always at ease in company, relaxed and smiling in a non cheesy way as they sashay around.
The rest of us may well admire them, which is fair enough –
they are a rare breed – and we can certainly appreciate and enjoy their company. The danger, disaster, or worse still, sad silliness only starts when we think things like money, pretentiousness and ‘try hard’ behaviour can give us a green card into the house of cool. It can’t. It won’t. And it’s obvious.
Really cool people are cool because they have never thought about it. And that you can’t pretend.
The other day, for example, I was walking passed a museum I
know well, as it’s been under renovation for a good 3 years. Finally it
was opening day and people were arriving in posh cars, air kissing and mulling around outside. But the thing that stood out and looked more than a little silly was the sea of absolute black that they formed. No, It wasn’t a funeral and there were no women in Burkas either. But what a miserable sight! Other than the sheep mentality, that’s kinda sad in itself, I mean does no one dare risk wearing a bit of colour? Not even a scarf or a bangle? What’s the worst that could happen? That you be considered slightly interesting and not a crowd crawler? We get it when teens copy each other. They’re young and
insecure with hormones all over the place. But surely with age we have more confidence and experience. We know better than to think black alone will make us look cool and elegant. Or maybe not. So this got me thinking: when we try too hard to look cool, do we fail because…..
it’s Really Not That Cool to:
wear sunglasses inside – you will just look silly and trip over things;
fit into a size O or below. You will just look in need of
being fed and people will feel sorry for you. They may even want to send you to a poor country to show you people who would desperately love to be able to eat, don’t give a toss for skinny jeans, and just want to get to the next day alive. Which leads to the point, “Why is excessively thin still so in?” Way uncool;
be in a reality TV program. You just look sad, silly, tacky, talentless, and desperate to be famous;
wear excessively high heels. Again constantly the fashion
‘in’ thing. If you can’t walk in them, other than doing damage to your back, you will just look silly;
wear black to a Prada fashion show. All the models will be in black on the runway as it is, so you’ll just be another non personality entity. Wear a bit of colour and you’ll probably ‘be’ the one photographed because you’ll stand out
buy or wear ‘all’ Prada, at any cost. Other than looking dull, people will think you’re store security;
have a nose thinner than your lips or breasts bigger than your bum. Silly;
look like a stunned mullet from excess facial surgery pull. More scary than silly;
think because your ridiculously rich you’re also cool. They
often don’t go together. Check ‘Nouveua Riche Euro Trash’ or Rich Russians/ Oil Making Arabs for confirmation. Excess gold, diamond Rolex watches, clothes on your back worth more than a car – sometimes a house – do not make you cool. Competing with your rich friends over who has the most expensive accessories, in a world where most people are living on
less than a dollar a day, is just vulgar, superficial, and you should be ashamed. In any case it’s not cool and money doesn’t teach you how to dress or decorate your house. Too much bling, and gold and garish extras have only one result. They make you look cheap;
be rich. The truth of the matter, as mentioned above, is
that very few truly cool people are actually rich. Money seems to cancel out taste for some reason:
jump in front of the paps or always be caught leaving shops
or restaurants by the paps (i.e. Posh – aka – Victoria Beckham). It is far cooler to at least pretend you haven’t expected them to be there or set it up. Try running to your car or hiding your face or something;
air kiss. You just look silly. If you see someone you know
that you like you can touch them. They shouldn’t bite. If you see someone you know you don’t like, you can ignore them. And if they air kiss you, you are within your rights to tell, or signal to them, to kiss your ass;
strut around like you own the place. You are not the most
important person in the room, just the most annoying. I suggest chicken
dancing or walking like an Egyptian. Show you have a personality. You don’t have to take yourself too seriously. This is part of being cool, and you might even make friends and influence people in the process;
date a footballer. It just means you don’t think you’re cool
enough to make it on your own and need somebody/thing to drop back on.